Curiosity
by Cravat of Doom
Summary: Larry tries to figure out Phoenix's "special someone". Pure crack.


**True Love...?**

Phoenix sighed as he left his office to go down to the Detention Center. He had promised to visit Iris regularly, because he felt rather sorry for her. She really didn't deserve this punishment, but that was the legal system for you. Everything was black and white.

One of these days he'd have to change that...

When asked where he was going, Phoenix would have to put up with major abuse from Pearl, who insisted he was cheating on Maya by visiting Iris. Oh, if only she knew how it really was. In reality, he absolutely hated visiting Iris, and made sure he only did so about once a month. He didn't even try anymore to explain to the ten year old that he wasn't in love with Maya. She just wouldn't listen to him. Even Maya had a hard time trying to make Pearl understand.

After enduring a few dozen Pearly-style slaps (which actually hurt, considering where they came from), Phoenix could attempt to stealthily make his where Iris was being detained. He had to make sure to go by the park very slowly, or else Larry would see him. Larry was an annoying guy, and Phoenix wasn't really sure why he put up with him at all. From losing Phoenix's high quality bicycle to threatening to sue Phoenix for some of the royalties generated by the sales of Ace Attorney games, Larry was just an all-around pest. Lately, he had gotten into the habit of asking why Phoenix never had a girlfriend, a question that made Phoenix want to shove the ends of "Laurice's" paintbrushes up his friend's nose.

As usual, Larry had been sitting under his favourite tree, trying to paint portraits (albeit bad ones) of any woman who would stand there long enough. There weren't many.

Because of this, Larry was instead staring into the crowd. He was about to try and sweet-talk a good-looking girl who was reading a book under another tree into letting him paint a picture of her, when he saw Phoenix creeping eastward rather dramatically in a Pink-Panther-kind-of-way on the sidewalk.

"Hey! NICK!" he yelled, waving his hands in the air. He seemed rather oblivious to Phoenix's blatant disappointment in being seen.

Phoenix did approach him, however. It would be easier than being chased across town (Larry had done that to him once).

"Hey, Nick! How's my bestest buddy doing today? Whatcha up to?"

Phoenix scratched the back of his neck. This was going to be... interesting.

"I'm going to go visit Iris."

"Really? When was the last time you saw her?"

"Six weeks ago," Phoenix said, hoping to just disappear.

"Six weeks? That's way to long to go without visiting your girl, man! Be a gentleman!" Like Larry knew what being a gentleman was.

"I already told you hundreds of times, she's not "my girl" anymore. That was years ago!"

"But true love never dies, right?" Larry whimpered.

"Trust me, Larry, it wasn't true love. Looking back, I can hardly believe it was love at all."

"How could you say such a thing about your sweetheart?"

"Larry, shut up."

"Seriously, dude, why not go out with her? She's nice, hot, generous, really pretty...and hot." Larry stared into space, most likely having some horrific perverted fantasy involving Iris.

"You're so superficial."

"I may be, but at least I'm not alone like you!"

"I'm not alone, La-"

Whoops.

"What, Nick? You're in a relationship! Tell me, who is it? Is she _cute_?" Eyebrow wriggling.

"I can't believe I'm friends with you sometimes. Besides, don't you already have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but she's in London at the moment!"

Phoenix smacked his forehead with his palm. "Let me guess. A model?"

"Yup! But that's not the point? Who is it?"

"It's not of your business, that's who. I'm leaving."

Larry hopped up, knocking over his easel. A half completed picture of a morbidly obese chipmunk fell to the ground. Larry noticed.

"Uh, that... Well, not many people have _time _to be painted these days... I needed a subject!"

"Smooth."

Larry grinned.

"I know, right? Anyway, I'm coming with you!"

Phoenix paled.

"No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am!"

The attorney sighed.

"Larry, I don't need you following me around. Why can't you just see that you just make things harder? Don't you remember the saying in school? When something smells, it's-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," groaned Larry. "That was just that one time! I didn't mean to cause an evacuation!"

Phoenix didn't know what Larry was talking about, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. No, wait. He was _positive _he didn't want to.

"You're not coming, Larry. No matter how hard you try."

_x.x.x.x_

Iris was smiling slightly as Phoenix and Larry entered the room. She looked away.

"Aw, man, Nick! She's so bashful!"

Iris giggled. Phoenix bit his lip.

"Hello, Iris," he sighed, causing Iris to laugh even more. "I've brought a friend. Iris, meet Larry. Larry, meet Iris. He's a bit creepy, but once you get past that, he's fine."

Larry grinned and waved, oblivious of Phoenix's insult. Iris was laughing her head off.

"Another one?" she wiped her eyes, nearly on the floor. "Wow, Feenie. I never knew you were that kind of person."

Phoenix turned red, and Larry's smiled faded.

"Oh, no. It's not like that at all. I may look homeless, but I swear I have a really nice apartment in town. You wanna come over when you're released?" Larry looked stupid trying to flirt.

"Not really. I think it would be a bit awkward, actually," Iris said uncomfortably.

Phoenix stepped in.

"Iris, I think you're taking this whole thing a little bit too far. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean-"

Larry cut him off.

"Oh, no, I'm a gentleman! I don't have any impure thoughts! None!" He grinned, probably picturing Iris naked or something similar.

Phoenix punched his friend in the arm.

"No, Larry, that's not what I meant. Iris likes to embarrass me, that's all."

"Huh? What d'you mean, Nick?"

Iris laughed again. "Feenie here has a certain male... friend."

Larry smiled awkwardly, not understanding what Iris was saying. "Heh, oh... OK then."

"He really likes this "friend" of his."

Phoenix could almost see the light bulb go on over his companion's head.

"OH! Aha, I always knew Nick had a thing for Edgey. The way they battle in court..."

Banging his head against the wall beside the Plexiglas window, Phoenix regretted ever coming back to visit Iris. It had always been awkward, but this was the worst he'd ever remembered it being.

"_No_, Larry! It's not like that."

Larry frowned, sure he had been right. "Then who?"

_x.x.x.x_

Phoenix unlocked the door to his apartment, set the keys down on the counter, and went over to greet his lover.

"I'm back," he said, wrapping his arms around the other man.

"Oh, good. I thought you were going to be later. I didn't get any food for us."

"No? Well, I can go get some."

The pink-haired man grinned and clapped his hands together.

"You can? Fabulous!"

"I'll be right back, Max."

"See you soon, sweetie!"

_x.x.x.x_

_A/N: I wrote this a long time ago and forgot about it... There is absolutely no point or moral to this story. Ignore it and go on with your day._


End file.
